It Was So Hot I Thought I Saw The Sun Sweating
Posted: Monday, August 29, 2011
by Kenny St.pierre
It was a hot summer morning and I had already planned to be at the beach that day. My friends and I had talked it over the day before, and we planned to meet behind lifeguard chair #8 at 9am - Horseneck Beach in Westport, Mass.– our usual beach setting. The temperature was predicted to be 93 degrees with extreme humidity that day, and it was my friend Peter's birthday.
Once we settled in, we played volleyball with some young ladies and took numerous plunges into the Atlantic. As the day wore on it got hotter and hotter, and my thirst was unquenchable. We joked and laughed, and viewed the beautiful bikinis – some barely covering the breast, some barely covering the ass. It was paradise.
I drank and got silly like the rest of my friends. We were very funny at times. We were the kings of the beach that afternoon. Invincible! Or so I thought.
At about 2pm I became hammered while laying on my beach chair and dosed off. My buddies had gone back to play some more volleyball with the girls. No one thought to wake me. I awoke three hours later. When I opened my eyes one hundred and eighty minutes after I closed them, the sun appeared to me to be sweating. It wasn't! I may have been crying because of the terrible pain to the front side of my body, or maybe the many blisters the ultraviolet rays provided to my skin free of charge were bursting and steaming. My facial skin felt like a tightly stretched drum, and burned like someone had put a flat iron to it. I attempted to get up, but the rest of my frontal skin asked laughingly and sarcastically, "What the hell do you think you're doing?" I was miserable.
My good friends would help me I thought, but when they saw me, I was the material for the rest of their day's jokes. I'm always happy to oblige and loan myself to great humor when I'm in pain. They did help me out of my chair though. Unable to put my sneakers on, I eventually I walked barefoot through the hot sand to the even hotter asphalt where my car was at rest. My gait was similar to Frankenstein's – slow, stiff, and sort of wobbly. My anterior side was pink/red. My backside wasn't. For the first time in my life I cursed beer that day. The wonderful cold, foamy, drinks that had made me funnier, smarter, wiser, and always gave me excuse to be an asshole, had relaxed my body and brain so beautifully, that I was introduced to the sun in a way I had never been acquainted before.
'F*ck you beer!' I could only think it. My face wasn't up for yellin'.
Anyway, as I was leaving the beach lot, my eyes again caught a glimpse of the sun. Was it sweating? No, it was me again - eyes blurred with affliction. When I got home I gently rubbed sunburn lotion to half my body. Oh the hurt! And I was so hungry too. I thought about grabbing a couple of hot dogs from the fridge and laying them on my belly. I was sure they would grill with ease. Instead I settled on popsicles. I swear the top half of each pop melted as I pulled them within the vicinity of my mouth. I think my face was thawing them. I ate half the box and wore the other half – and since the box was multi-flavored I had a pretty rainbow added to my torched stomach as I sat up in bed.
When the popsicles were all gone I went to the fridge to see what I could find that was cold - I spotted a can of beer. I disgustingly pushed it aside to see what was behind it, but as I did, I got an idea to place it to my inflamed chest and forehead. It helped. I took it back to my bedroom and laid it on my pectorals. I apologized to the beer for thinking curse words earlier. I prayed for a root canal. My eyes again writhered in pain... I drank the beer.
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Top-level comments on this article: (2 total)Ouch, ouch, ouch and ouch again, Kenny!!
Rushing to judgement- BAD judgement....one of the painful lessons we may learn in our youth; but then nothing is ALL bad...is it-LLOL- Amusing article Kenny- I enjoyed reading it. Always- Ella
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